Life

I know you will never be this small & perfect again. As I hold you in my arms my little one - I want to freeze this moment in time. Just you and I where I hold you in my arms all warm & snug. You are my perfect gift.  Taking in your small hands, feet and your size. My little one I think I will hold you a little bit longer because I can and you will never be this small again. 

Nights of waking at the slightest sound and listening to your breathing. Worrying if you're warm enough or too hot under your duvet. Watching your face for expression changes and checking your hands and feet to be sure you're comfortable. Timed feed times and worrying about your weight -I am always on the clock. Bottle sterilising and washing clothes -worried about the dust in the room and how the vacuum must be done. Sleep deprived and on my feet and for most days forgetting to eat. Feeling guilty for not eating properly because my baby needs my energy. Feeling the pressure and listening to endless advice from all sources around me. Constantly feeling slightly guilty if you haven't eaten properly or when we have taken you out- you my perfect baby have slept right through your feed time. I see you in my dreams and wonder how you do, even if your not in the same room I miss you. Wanting to be more organised and feeling the pressure of running time. You grow with each ...