Foolish Mortality
Another Ramzaan nears its end and the mind boggles ...
Have I prayed enough?..Have I asked Allah to forgive me enough times to last me through the year? This blessed month will end and I will return to the usual being much too busy for "self preserving pure devotion".After all ..all my duas are selfish..for myself, my family ..my world..my existance.
Multiple...hundreds of dua's gather in my head...almost not reaching my lips..they swirl around and gather momentum..they build up such a pressure ..that I break down. The dua's overwhelm ..and burst through a dam of insecurity.I surrender ..I fall and I raise my hands to the sky..to the unseen..to the invisible power that generously grants me my every breath... I request..I pray and I wonder..why wasn't this dua answered..what did I do ..or what could I have done...to make it happen for me. I foolishly think I had something to do with it ...with my limited human capacity!
I have nothing. No control , no direction, no power to create dreams ...that divine power is my Allah's ..as this month ends ..I fear myself..being let loose on the world again..the world where I will fall back into unfavourable practices...become my own worst enemy..and then beg and ask for forgiveness again..and I know somewhere deep inside...this realisation may be too late next time.
I wonder why my dua wasn't answered. With my restricted vision..I dare to question..I know not whats good for me..how the divine creator works..I don't know how one dua saved me from another ..and how asking for Allah's guidance ..lead me to paths of greater knowledge and fullfilment..I only question..and continue questioning..and Allah keeps blessing me...
Preposterous...the very notion that I have anything to do with my destiny. I strive..and continue to work harder than before...belief in the Almighty helping those that help themselves..but also knowing ...if tomorrow Allah chose not to grant me life...all that I had worked for today would be lost in the blink of an eye......
The astounding power of my Allah..and my foolish mortality...SubhanAllah.
Have I prayed enough?..Have I asked Allah to forgive me enough times to last me through the year? This blessed month will end and I will return to the usual being much too busy for "self preserving pure devotion".After all ..all my duas are selfish..for myself, my family ..my world..my existance.
Multiple...hundreds of dua's gather in my head...almost not reaching my lips..they swirl around and gather momentum..they build up such a pressure ..that I break down. The dua's overwhelm ..and burst through a dam of insecurity.I surrender ..I fall and I raise my hands to the sky..to the unseen..to the invisible power that generously grants me my every breath... I request..I pray and I wonder..why wasn't this dua answered..what did I do ..or what could I have done...to make it happen for me. I foolishly think I had something to do with it ...with my limited human capacity!
I have nothing. No control , no direction, no power to create dreams ...that divine power is my Allah's ..as this month ends ..I fear myself..being let loose on the world again..the world where I will fall back into unfavourable practices...become my own worst enemy..and then beg and ask for forgiveness again..and I know somewhere deep inside...this realisation may be too late next time.
I wonder why my dua wasn't answered. With my restricted vision..I dare to question..I know not whats good for me..how the divine creator works..I don't know how one dua saved me from another ..and how asking for Allah's guidance ..lead me to paths of greater knowledge and fullfilment..I only question..and continue questioning..and Allah keeps blessing me...
Preposterous...the very notion that I have anything to do with my destiny. I strive..and continue to work harder than before...belief in the Almighty helping those that help themselves..but also knowing ...if tomorrow Allah chose not to grant me life...all that I had worked for today would be lost in the blink of an eye......
The astounding power of my Allah..and my foolish mortality...SubhanAllah.
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